when it comes to your love interests, listen to your people

There’s a particular kind of blindness that happens when you’re falling for someone.

It’s electric. It’s intoxicating. It’s hopeful.

And sometimes… it’s dangerous.

Because when you’re smitten, your brain fills in gaps with potential. Your heart writes stories your eyes can’t yet confirm. You see who they could be, not always who they consistently are.

And that’s exactly when the people who know you best become invaluable.

They Know You. Really Know You.

Your closest friends and family (the healthy ones) have watched you in different seasons.

They know:

• Your core values.

• What kind of energy you carry.

• What drains you.

• What lights you up.

• The patterns you’ve repeated.

• The red flags you’ve ignored before.
  

They aren’t looking at your new relationship through infatuation. They’re looking at it through history. And history matters.

If the people who love you most are gently (or even boldly) saying, “Something feels off,” you owe it to yourself to at least pause.

No need to panic.
And don’t necessarily break up immediately.
But, in the very least, listen and apply some critical thinking.

Ask yourself:

• What specifically are they noticing?

• Is there consistency in their concern?

• Are they naming behaviors or just feelings?

• Have I seen glimpses of what they’re describing?
  

You don’t lose independence by listening.
You gain perspective.

They Can See What You’re Too Close to See

When you’re inside the relationship, everything feels intense. Emotional. Immediate.

The people outside the relationship can see patterns.

They notice:

• Subtle disrespect.

• Inconsistencies in stories.

• How your energy shifts after you spend time together.

• Whether you seem more grounded or more anxious.

• Whether you’re shrinking or expanding.
  

Sometimes the red flags aren’t dramatic. They’re subtle. And, unfortunately, subtle red flags are the easiest to romanticize. Your people aren’t trying to ruin your happiness. They’re trying to protect your heart.

A Very Important Distinction

Now let’s be clear.

I am not talking about the toxic haters in your inner circle who don’t want to see you happy. The ones who criticize everyone. The ones who are threatened by your growth. The ones who sabotage instead of support. If you have those in your life, and many of us do, healthy boundaries are essential.

Sometimes we can’t remove toxic people entirely. They may be parents, siblings, or even adult children. Walking away isn’t always realistic. But access is optional.

You do not have to give everyone access to your tender heart.
You do not have to process your relationship with someone who weaponizes your vulnerability.

Boundaries protect your peace. They also protect your discernment.

Healthy feedback feels concerned. Toxic feedback feels controlling.

Learn the difference.

If You Haven’t Asked, Ask

If you don’t actually know how your closest people feel about the person you’re dating, that’s a missed opportunity.

Ask them.

Not defensively.
Not with your arms crossed.
But openly.

“What have you observed?”
“Is there anything I might not be seeing?”                                                                      “How do you feel when you’re around us together?”

Then listen.

You don’t have to agree.
But you should be willing to consider.

The people who love you want your long-term joy, not just your short-term butterflies.

Love Requires More Than Chemistry

Chemistry is powerful, but compatibility, character, emotional safety, and shared values are what sustain a relationship. Your closest friends and family often have a clearer lens on those things than you do in the early stages. If multiple trusted voices are expressing concern, that’s data.

And mature love requires data.

It requires the humility to admit you could be missing something. It requires the courage to slow down if needed and realize that choosing a partner is the most important decision you will ever make, one of those ‘unfolding over time’ decisions. Slower moving relationships allow for the wisdom to know that being chosen by someone is not the same thing as being cherished well. We become wise and make much better decisions when we think things through.

Protecting Your Future Self

One of the most loving things you can do for your future self is to listen to the people who have consistently shown up for you.

They’ve seen you heartbroken. They’ve helped you rebuild. They’ve celebrated your growth.

They aren’t invested in the fantasy.

They’re invested in you.

So if they’re waving a small yellow flag, don’t ignore it because the fireworks are pretty. Hear them out. Think critically. Trust your intuition, but inform it.

The right relationship will withstand healthy scrutiny.

And the wrong one?
It usually doesn’t like being examined.

Your heart is precious. Let the people who love you help you guard it well.

xxoo, Jeanna