Hyper independence is not it

I recently read something that said:

“If your grown children know two things, that you believe in them completely, and that you will always be a soft place for them to land if they ever need to come home, you’ve done something right.”

And honestly… that hit me deeply.

Because it flies in the face of everything American culture teaches us.

We are taught that independence is the ultimate goal.
That needing support is weakness.
That relying on family is “unhealthy.”
That adulthood means distance.
That parents are supposed to push their kids out as quickly as possible and children are supposed to prove themselves by needing no one.

Even modern psychology has, in many ways, normalized hyper independence to the point that closeness and interdependence are often mislabeled as dysfunction.

And I think it’s making us sick.

Hyper independence is often a trauma response, but it’s also cultural conditioning here in America.

We are one of the only cultures that glorifies doing everything alone.

And look around…
We are lonelier than ever.
More anxious.
More isolated.
More distrustful.
More emotionally exhausted.

We have created generations of people who are terrified to need each other.

I just got back from Europe, and the common theme I heard over and over from people in places like Greece and Croatia was this:

Family matters.
Community matters.
People help each other.
Life is meant to be shared.

There was no obsession with proving they could do everything alone.

And guess what?
Their quality of life AND life expectancy is often higher.
Their relationships are deeper.
Their communities are stronger.

Humans were never meant to live isolated lives where everyone is drowning privately while pretending they’re “doing great.”

We were meant to carry each other sometimes.
To gather.
To stay connected.
To have people we can call when life falls apart.
To know that love doesn’t disappear when adulthood begins.

Maybe healing isn’t becoming someone who never needs anyone.

Maybe healing is becoming someone who finally feels safe enough to let people in.

I’ll leave you with this parting thought to ponder…Think of the folks you know who are hyper independent, maybe even wildly successful. And, then think of the ones you know who have strong connections and family bonds. Who is happier, healthier, more fulfilled in life?

xxoo, Jeanna